I recognize I am moving into a whole new way of loving and being loved.
Real love has been like receiving a painful vaccine....and like most medicine, it purges ALL the false love I've ever received that has been stored in the very essence of my being.
Real love can feel like an obstacle, even a huge trigger to those of us who are not used to receiving it. A good dose of real love can cause an upheaval, and begin a purging process to make space for what is real.
Confession: Real love SCARES me. I have found myself rebelling against real love when it is offered--not trusting it, pushing it away, even noticing anger as a defense mechanism to protect my vulnerable heart. It triggers all the parts of me that feel unworthy, and not good enough. My pattern until now, has been to not prioritize myself or my worth, therefore attracting others who mirror that back to me. To receive real love from another is to first receive it from ourselves.
Only then was it mirrored back to me, fully and completely, because there was a place inside of ME for the offer of true love to land, and build a foundation.
Our old stories of being a victim and self-sabotaging can be so convincing. It's often easier to default to an old template of "love" that may have been false love all along.
But it feels so "right"..... or at least normal.
But if it feels "normal" it might be an old pattern repeating.
If it feels "uncomfortable" or even "wrong," it might be worth exploring.
Other forms of false love can include people pleasing, not setting boundaries, and telling people what they want to hear to avoid conflict. False love can also look like complete openness, without commitment to a path that could be difficult, but ultimately rewarding.
As I now address the shadow side of love that has been my old template, and begin stepping into worthiness and Innocence, I now see with new eyes and love in a way I've never experienced before.